A lot has changed for me since my ski accident- moving to a new city, losing my job, not being close to friends anymore, and all the physical challenges (can’t run anymore, don’t have the balance to ride a bike solo, have trouble swimming because I have to tell myself to not breathe underwater). 2016 was the year that I was overwhelmed with these changes, and I struggled with them. So, rather than saying this past year was awesome, it’s actually been quite sad and frustrating for me.
I heard about this bible study group in the Springs (at Steve’s wedding in Seattle, who had a bridesmaid in his wedding who was roommates with his wife in college, and the pastor at their wedding was also a part of this bible study). It’s great to be connected with some people down here, rather than only knowing people in Boulder, Jackson, and Summit County. However, I haven’t felt that connected to the people in that group. Yes, there are great friends there, but we rarely have interaction outside of that bible study. There are a few people that I do see outside that group, but I guess my expectations are too high- I used to be so social before my accident, and with all the changes (location, friends, job, physical abilities) I guess I feel like I lost some of that. I live at home with my parents (which I have done for the last four years) because there isn’t anyone I’m that connected with that needs a roommate.
The job I have now is great- I was so bored trying to find things to do at home, so it’s good that I have a place to work. I did some social media for work before my accident, and now I help with it for TravelUpdate, a website written by travel bloggers. I’m kind of realizing now that I don’t perform at work the same as I used to, and my memory was badly damaged. Ever since I was hired in June, I did things that I didn’t remember I did, and I was pretty short with my coworkers because I thought I remembered a “better” way to do things. My goal for 2017 is the be the best I can be at work- not doing things my own way. I really need to listen to what my superiors at work say, and actually do them.
The biggest thing I struggle with is loneliness. I don’t feel connected anywhere, and I realize that my hearing is another thing that was massively damaged in my ski accident. My loneliness might be based on that, but I don’t really know. Last night at bible study we shared our experiences in 2016 and our goals for 2017. Most of the people in the group said they travelled, found a new job, had exciting things happen in their personal lives, etc. The girl from Steve’s wedding said that she was happy that everyone had a great year and is really excited for the year to come. I was very honest and said “well, 2016 was one of the hardest years for me.” I told them how I struggle with loneliness, and I feel like I really need to find a community. However, there’s this new girl in the group who just moved here from Arkansas with her husband, and she has been one of the most friendly people in the group, and she’s invited me to do simple things with her just so we can hang out. I hope my bible study reacts to the loneliness I told them I was feeling.
If you’ve stuck with reading through this obscenely long post, thank you! The things I struggle with most are loneliness and work. With 2017 upon us, hopefully things will improve!